How To: Drive through the Iberian Peninsula

You may have heard that I had a few troubles getting a license here. In March, when we booked the trip to Portugal, Das Madchen was more confident that I would have my license in time for the June trip. Apparently she did not know how easy it was to get a license here!

So, when June rolled around and I still didn't have a license, das Madchen became die Chauffeurin for 20 driving hours, 600 mile journey through the poorly labeled, in accurately GPSed, windy, narrow, and- generally- scenic trip from Lagos to Salamanca to Porto.

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Lagos to Salamanca

The Portuguese toll system seems to have one small loop hole that didn't get closed when they enacted it last year: rental cars.

To use the toll network you have to register your vehicle into the central toll-collecting network. If you don't do this (or if you have a rental car), then you have to wait two but no more than five days from when you go through the last toll, drive (presumably) to a local post office branch any time of your convenience on M-F between the hours of 8:30 am to 12:30 pm, give them the date, time, location, and price of the toll you went through, and pay the accompanying toll- cash only, of course.

The kicker is they put a toll to the entrance/exit to the airport. So, you actually have to go through a toll before you leave. Then you of course cannot wait the requisite two days to pay the toll because you are leaving the country.

So, while not paying the toll is considered "off limits," I was not going make an international phone call, detail my transactions in a foreign language, then send a bank note internationally.

When we left Lagos for Salamanca on the 10 hour drive with meine Chauffeurin behind the wheel, we did not know this little loophole, and so we chose to click the "avoid tolls" and "avoid highways" button on the GPS.

I can tell you that back roads in Portugal are not the same as back roads in the US.

Check out the scenic views from the car ride! I was just snap- snap- snappin' away on the camera as die Chauffeurin was practicing for the Indy car circuit. Hair pin turn after hair pin turn after hair pin turn after...

More than one hairpin turn going through the mountains.

Best picture of the trip.

Other side of the dirt: the end of the world.

Stock footage. Das Madchen does some technical maneuvering through the hills.

Das Madchen: actor portrayal.

Watch out for old old people crossing.

"Quick question: how much gas do we have left?"

Das Madchen: self portrayal. Not as impressed as she looks.

A low number highway is more major than a higher number one. For example, the A2 is more major than the A22. This is a photo of  highway, no joke, N857321

My personal favorite, though, was the next picture. The GPS must have known where we were from and was just messing with us. The GPS casually suggested that we turn down "Americana Street". This was a street only slightly less wide than my parent's driveway. We were pretty sure it was one way... until a Ford F350 came barreling down in the other direction.

The picture is dark, but it actually shows us still on the "highlighted route", on a glorified golf cart path. What the picture also doesn't capture- surprisingly- is the cuss words that hang heavy in the air from das Madchen.

"Continue on highlighted route for 10 km"

Salamanca parking garage

Wouldn't you believe that when we finally did make it to Salamanca, das Madchen wanted to park the car and be done with it for a day or so. So we did, in a parking garage just outside the old city wall.

We had a great time in the city with mein Bruder and meine Schwägerin exploring Salamanca. About 36 hours after parking the car, we walked back to start the 5 hour trip from Salamanca to Porto, Portugal in order to make the flight back to Germany.

With the known adventures of tolls and mountain passes behind us, you could say we were a bit concerned that we could miss the flight that evening. So we left with a lot of extra cushion. Good thing.

We walked with our bags to the parking garage and dropped them off in the car, then went back to pay the amount for the parking garage. The total came to 23€ which we tried to pay with a 50. Unfortunately they didn't take 50's. Or 20's or credit cards.

And so, with the clock ticking on our flight, we walked to try to find a place to break a 50 into 10s and 5s.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

After walking for 10 minutes, we decided the only reasonable place would be a cafe. But, we weren't sure if breaking a 50 without buying anything would be looked upon badly as it is sometimes in the US. So we decided to buy coffees to go.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Unfortunately, I learned a new phrase in Spanish that morning. If you ask for something "to go" (para salir) this means "to go... to another part of the same cafe, i.e. outside to the patio" and so our coffees "to go" were actually "to stay". Word to the wise, if you are in a hurry, get the coffee "para llevar".

So we sat there, in the cafe, and drank hot coffee as quickly as we could from our beautifully, hand crafted, glass coffee mugs.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

We asked for our change in the appropriate way (no bigger than a 10€ bill) and proceeded to walk back to the parking garage. We put the same ticket in the machine and, wouldn't you know- the machine had trouble reading the magnetic strip on the ticket. I tried front ways, back ways, side ways, left ways, right ways, under ways, and through ways.

I tried pushing it and pulling it, pressing it and twisting it. Then I tried hitting it. Well, more of a love tap really. But the machine wasn't in an amorous mood, because after giving the machine a love tap, the sputnik era LCD screen on the inside of the machine went completely black and fell back into the machine.

Was that on camera? Confirmed: it was.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Having just vandalized a parking ticket machine in a foreign country and with the clock ticking on a flight that evening it was here that the panic started to set in.

So we went out to the main counter which was, of course, unmanned. We ran into what turned out later to be another patron of the garage who spoke English pretty well through a variety of missing teeth. He directed us to another machine across the garage and, when that didn't work either, suggested we call the 24 hour number on the ticket garage. He even dialed for us on the phone that was sitting there... then sped off into the morning traffic.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

So there I was, mildy panicked trying to pay a 23€ parking ticket without calling to attention the fact that I just destroyed the machine which was supposed to read my ticket.

At this point someone picked up the phone on the other end of the garage speaker phone. The conversation was... rocky. In the end, I dropped the 23€ in a mailbox which were instructions that he may or may not have actually said, he opened the gate remotely, and das Madchen and I got the heck outta dodge.

Now I just hope that they don't go back and review video footage of the morning. I guess the worst that happens is that they charge the rental car company. They can just add it to the bill for the tolls we'd already accrued.

Toll booths Porto

That whole New Deal thing seemed to work out pretty well for Roosevelt and it seems that Portugal (an member of the infamous PIIGS) is trying the same thing. Look no farther than the amazing new infrastructure that is being implemented at lightning speed (with an apparent lack of communication for how to collect tolls).  

Though we were driving through the countryside on the way from Lagos to Salamanca, there were still impressive parts of brand new roads, huge suspenssion bridges, and sweeping valley passes.

It is absolutely clear that the infrastructure of Portugal is changing, and quickly. So quickly, in fact, that the 2011 version of the GPS maps that we took with us on the trip was severely out of date. In fact, even the rental car company said they didn't have an up-to-date map.

So which way do you go? The map says go straight, the road signs go left, and the GPS says to enter the roundabout (which isn't there) and go right.

We guessed and checked our way with little to no problems all the way to the outskirts of Porto. Here we got stuck in the cruel grasp of the Portugese highway system.

Actually, the true story is that we knew that there was a toll booth at the airport and we wanted to have some practice.

So first, we got on the highway going the wrong way, and paid a 0.50€ toll for it.

We got off the first exit, turned around, went back through the same tollbooth, and paid another 0.50€. But, unfortunately for us, we missed the exit. so we had to exit, pay a 0.50€ toll, and turn around.

So, it turns out that every time we get on the highway, the GPS gets confused, displays that we are in some sort of alien space craft, flying over vinyards and small country roads and tells us "please return to paved road."  Of course, in our somehow altered reality, we are on a very modern, nicely paved highway.

So we finally get to the correct exit and the, the GPS tells us to stay left... but it didn't mean now, it meant more like "eventually you will want to stay left."  

So we missed our exit or, rather, took the wrong one, went back through the toll, paid another 0.50€ toll. We had to get off at our now all-to-familiar next exit, turn around, go back through the toll booth and paid yet another 0.50€.

Its not an exaggeration to say that we racked up 12€ at maybe 3 tollbooths right in that area. But what do I care? I mean I know that not paying it is "off limits" and all, but...

Das Madchen: Future driving outlook

Limited.